Still

Music has always been something that centered me. It was a release that I never knew I needed or never knew I wanted. I grew up, thanks to my mother and father, to music like Fleetwood Mac, Lionel Richie, and Creedence Clearwater. As a child, they were songs that made me happy and moved me to dance, but I never truly felt the impact of the words until I heard them live. That was, until I attended my first concert. For those that know me very well, they will know that this was actually my second concert. But I will always consider it my first one real one! As soon as the lights went low, and the stage lights came on, and I heard James Hetfield's (of Metallica) voice, I just knew. I just knew that this was going to be something that my soul needed. The lyrics in the songs that I love are so much more than words. They translate messages to my heart, transport me, and also ground the emotions that I battle and embrace daily. And it isn't always just the lyrics, it's the music in the background, too. It's every single part of a song. (Orion by Metallica is one that you should definitely check out!)

Photo Credit: Flickr

I came across a song by Asking Alexandria recently that gave me all the words that I needed to hear. There have been many songs and many artists that have done this, but this song...this one song made me pause in life. I truly took pause and stood back. It was time for me to be still. It was time for me to put me first and reflect. I needed to be still. I needed it more than I knew.

All I needed was the last thing I wanted 
To sit alone in a room and say it all out loud

I used to blog all the time. I loved putting it all out there. It was a great release for me. I don't know exactly what happened to make it stop. I have a guess, but I'm not going to place blame on something I had complete control over. What I do have control over is what happens next. My growth as an educator and human being is very important to me. I know the direction that I am headed, and I want to continue on that path. My #OneWord for this year doesn't mean that I am going to stand still in my journey. In my opinion, standing still in education is dangerous to us and our students. What it does mean, is that there will be times that I need to pause, reflect, and say it all out loud. There will be times where I just need to be still for a moment.

Sometimes I'll fall down, sometimes I'll lose hope 
But those days will be few if I keep my feet on the ground
I might be lonely, but I ain't alone here 
So I keep pushing the limits of what makes me

I think it is perfectly natural for self doubt and fear to creep in to our lives. There have been times, in just this past year alone, where I have questioned the direction of my life because of these two emotions. I could have let them takeover and adjust my sails, but that just wasn't an option for me. I shook their hands and said see you later (because we all know they make return visits), and continued on my path. This wouldn't have happened without the help of others. I want to say thank you to my admin team at my school, the teachers that I work alongside, my instructional coaching team and our leader, my PLN/PLF (you know who you are), my sister and her family, and one of the best networks to be a part of, the #4OCFpln. You have all had a hand in keeping my feet on the ground. Thank you. I will continue to push the limits within myself and others because I know the importance of that effort. And I think you know the importance of that too. 

I can be better than I was 
I can be better than I am

I am looking forward to this year, and I know that I can and will be better. I will make decisions for me and because of this journey that I am on. I will spend more time reflecting on my path and leaning on those that build me up rather than tear me down. Sadly, there have been some people in my life these past couple of years that I truly thought were friends that showed their truly colors to me or even behind my back, but I will not let them or anyone else prevent me from moving forward. I will put me first and work on my mind and my body. I will fuel both with positivity, struggle, risk-taking, and anything that breathes fire into my soul. This message popped up on my Twitter feed this week, and I related to it so much. I need to remind myself of this when criticism slides into my life and work. I can be better than I was and I can be better than I am. 

Photo Credit: Pikbee

Thank you, music! Thank you for giving me such a great reason to blog and reflect again. Thank you, Asking Alexandria, for being the match that lit the fire. Thank you for reminding me of the importance of standing still and saying it all out loud.